Rules To Live By

Well I just read the new commandments, and they are awesome. I have to give credit to Karmic Payback for posting this site and giving me something to do today. I’m talking about The Modern Drunkard.

Over the last few hours I have been taking a few short breaks to read one or two of the items on their 86 Rules of Booze and they have been quite enjoyable. I suggest you all (aka me) read them in your spare time. Some of my personal favs:

11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up. You know who you are

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks. I've Done this, but and not known as that. At least not that I know of.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence. I've definately done that ::shudders::

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one. fuckers

38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him. kinda wish I had no idea what that was like

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking. I must have looked like %150!

54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean. What If you get up quickly

55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English. Sorry about that one time.

66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I'm an idiot.” Or too drunk to read!

68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar. Ziggy Stardust's Spots Bar Patrons take notice, dicks

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious. For what all of them do together, read number 55, sorry again

84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it. In case anyone wants to buy me a gift

Read them all, those are just the ones that made me either chuckle or take a serious look at myself...and chuckle.

(EDIT: Fixed my broken links)